Bummed.

So I couldn't help but do some lite background research on Dianetics before jumping in (I'm looking at you here, Wikipedia). I just want to express my deep disappointment that the wild mythology of the religion will not be featured in any of the 600+ pages (paperback) that I will be reviewing. I guess I probably shouldn't have relied on South Park for 95% of my knowledge on the subject.

Just to be clear...

There's NO Xenu. No intergalactic space travel. No volcanic atom bombs. No alien souls loitering around on Earth, bummin' people out and yearning for home.

I guess Dianetics is strictly a self-help book that instructs the reader how to conquer a myriad of mental neuroses, psychoses, compulsions, deficiencies, etc etc ad nauseum.

Suddenly I'm slightly more concerned about losing my mind due to boredom than to wacky pseudo-religious doctrine. But who knows, maybe it's a real page turner. Or possibly a laugh riot. Open mind!

Success!

I ended up forking over 3 dollars cash money, and am giddy with anticipation to crack it open.  Front cover features a volcano, back cover contains a plug from John Travolta.  Am I ready to conquer my reactive mind and achieve spiritual freedom?  Sure, why not.

Obtaining the Tome

Before we get all objective up in here, let me first insist that I am taking the necessary precautions to protect my anonymity.  I'm not waltzing into that big blue building and requesting they send a copy of Dianetics to my home address, and why, yes, I'd like to receive regular email updates while I'm at it?  Nooooo, ma'am. 

I'll admit, part of my morbid curiosity about this whole racket is to see what lengths they'll go to in order to control the outward flow of information about their organization.  So my first challenge will be to get a copy of the book without paying for it with personally-identifiable information.  Since I returned from the Goodwill empty handed, my next stop is the dollar book store in Burbank.   If you cant find a cheap copy of Dianetics in Burbank, then these kooky Scientologists haven't infiltrated the system nearly as much as I've given them credit for.

Tempting The Fates

Screw it, I'm just going to read Dianetics and see what happens.  If a book exists that is so wildly powerful that it makes me completely abandon all of my hardcore skepticism, then I guess it deserves to have me as a loyal servant.

The mission at hand is a wholly objective book report on a popular science fiction novel.  I figure I'll read a little bit each day, ponder a bit, and then immortalize my thoughts and feedback right here.  I vow to do my very best to separate the bizarre stigma of the book's author and it's cultish following from the review process itself.  I will not be mentioning Tom Cruise until I hear from him personally.

I am not a philosopher, nor am I an expert on any organized religion.  I have a generalized disdain for them all, but only in response to the fact that all of them seem to insist that you suspend all rational thought in favor of "faith", which I'm just not wired to do.  But I am a book lover and I like the idea that there's one out there that's so crazy it has the power to brainwash me into pledging a billion years of servitude to its masters.